So, this post will be very very very wordy without a photo.
And um, actually it's a very good practice for one of my english paper on next Tuesday; it will be a real dreadful nightmare in that morning, I've to start my chemistry practical with all the chemicals at 0900 and then straight away go to the exam hall to have my english exam - no break - because both the exams actually start at the same time. I've a crashed timetable and hope that my left brain and right brain won't crash on that day. The teachers assured me by saying life is always like this, things - no matter good or bad - coincide very often, you've no choice, and you have to reach a compromise. And it's really true, for me, I think.
I'd decided to leave Malaysia and went abroad last December, and so I'd to give up something that couldn't be brought to the UK, including friends, fun, love, and especially the precious high school life.
And there's always ambivalence in me, always. I know I'm blessed to study abroad at such an age, however, I do feel regretful for my decision, most of the time. When I saw all my friends having fun in the class, school or maybe a simple gathering, I profoundly regretted. I would ask myself whether it was a right decision for me, for my future.
I think I deserved the friendship but I gave it up. Every time I logged in my Facebook, I could scarcely find any 'green dot' beside the names on my friend list - nobody is online-ing - everyone was having their nice dream at their home sweet home while I was facing the motionless laptop at a totally strange place, I've already get used to it now. However, I know how lucky I am to have my friends, especially when they gave me loads of surprises on my birthday which I actually thought everyone had forgotten that was my birthday. Seriously, I felt overwhelmed on that day and I knew friendship was an endless relationship, especially with them. However, everyone knows that distance does create a barrier no matter how intense the relationship is, including 4 years love.
I realised... relationship is a very hard thing to maintain; the pure relationship between friends, couples, family members or whoever will not stay pure as always. Love, anger, jealousy, hatred will no longer intertwine and the relationship will develop to be more complicated, finally the problems approach. Besides that, people shouldn't be too close in any relationship. As long as you recognise his/her hiding personality, the relationship will definitely be altered by any form of miniature problems because you would relate the problem to his/her personality which makes you feel uncomfortable and then elaborate it, yea?
Betrayal, I'd like to emphasis this element in every relationship. It causes awful lots of problems. It hurts, at the same time, it teaches. It functions as a tool which defines true and false friends around you. So, learn from it. Don't trust the same person but forgive them (possibly thank them for their self-sacrificing betrayal which has debased their reputation;
In a positive way, I've learnt to be independent here. I feel so proud every time I mention this because you could never imagine how dependent (I hope I used the right word) I was before I came to the UK.
My room is so tidy now! No more garbage room.
And I remember when I just arrived here, I didn't dare to speak a word - I forbade myself from speaking english because I couldn't speak - I requested my brother to convey everything I wanted to say. But, my brother couldn't be with me all the time, right? Finally, I learnt to articulate myself; I started with stuttering over a word until now I...
That's all.
I apologise if I wrote something which makes you feel uncomfortable.
OK, exam mode,
ON!
